How to improve sleep (without sleep training!)

3) Work out your child’s individual sleep needs

Every child has their own individual sleep needs (as does every adult!) When I say ‘sleep needs’, I simply mean the amount of hours they are capable of sleeping over a 24-hour period. Wondering what the averages are?

• 0-3 months – 14-17 hours
• 5-11 months – 12-15 hours
• 1-2 years – 11-14 hours
• 3-5 years – 10-13 hours
• 6-12 years – 9-11 hours

The way to work out your little one’s sleep needs is as simple as calculating: total day sleep + total night sleep (minus any long periods awake overnight). Your baby will fall somewhere on the spectrum of low – high sleep needs (or more likely somewhere in the middle).

High sleep needs children are at the top end of sleep totals. They need more sleep than the ‘average’ baby, and want to sleep more frequently than the average baby too. So you often find they have shorter than average awake windows, early bedtimes, long naps and are late to drop their naps too.

Low sleep needs children are the exact opposite. They need LESS sleep than the average baby. So they might have longer than average windows awake between naps, take short naps, like later bedtimes and generally be less likely to get ‘overtired’.

You cannot change how much sleep your child needs. This is simply how they are – we can’t make them sleep more, and we can’t make them sleep less. Instead, it’s about figuring out the routine that works for them and their sleep needs. For example if you have a lower sleep needs child you might want to consider capping naps, stretching awake windows and pushing bedtime later to avoid early rising or long periods awake during the night. But if you have a higher sleep needs child you might want to encourage longer naps with cuddles/motion and bringing bedtime earlier to avoid false starts and frequent wakes before midnight. 

4) When making changes – swap the comfort, don’t remove it

Often, steps 1, 2 and 3 can lead to really huge changes in a little one’s sleep – and nothing else is needed. However, at other times parents may want or need to make bigger changes. For example they need to move away from rocking to sleep as their baby is getting too heavy. Or they may want to get their baby in a cot and stop bed sharing. Or they may be struggling with 2-hourly night feeds.

Once you know what you are trying to move towards, you can support your little one through this change. The key here isn’t to completely remove the comfort (as in sleep training) but instead swap it for something else. For example, in the daytime if your little one wanted chocolate for lunch you wouldn’t say “No chocolate, and also now you can’t have lunch either”. You would say “Sorry, I know you want chocolate but we don’t have it for lunch. But you can have eggs or a sandwich – which would you prefer?”.

The same principle applies at night. If you no longer want to rock your baby to sleep, you can choose to set this boundary and replace with cuddling instead. Your little one might not be happy about this change, but you would support them through the change with lots of cuddles & reassurance. This way, they can co-regulate their emotions with us, whilst getting used to the new way of falling asleep.

5) Try and respond not react when they wake

Often when our babies stir during the night, we rush to them to stop them fully waking. We either pop in the dummy, pat back to sleep or offer a feed to get them back ASAP. Problem is – in some of these situations we may actually be waking or babies, or at least stopping them from settling back to sleep. Babies are notoriously noisy sleepers – and these noises they are making may be in their sleep, or them trying to get back to sleep themselves.

This is why during the night I recommend RESPONDING not reacting. But what is the difference?

1. Reacting
   When we ‘react’ – we are going to our babies before they have asked for anything from us. Babies are notoriously noisy sleepers, so by reacting very quickly we may actually be attempting to soothe them before they even wake up!
2. Responding
   This is when we go to our babies in the night to give them something they need. For example if they wake and cry, and we go to them and offer a cuddle or a feed.

Hopefully you can see the subtle difference here! So next time your baby stirs in the night, my tip is to just wait a moment. Are they just making sleepy noises? Are they trying to settle themselves? Or are they starting to cry and need your help? If they need your help OF COURSE go straight to them. But if you get the sense they don’t need you right now, then give them some space. This can make a huge difference in overnight sleep!

If you need help, support or guidance in improving your little ones sleep (without sleep training!) then get in touch. Click below to send me a message, and get started.